So, you’re here to learn the keys and secrets to punishments in DDLG, are you? Well….say no more!
I was going to open up this weeks post with one about non-sexual punishments, but, I realized that putting those out before even talking about punishments in the first place? No bueno. No bueno at all. So, that’s what we’re going to talk about today. The secrets to using punishment in DDLG, and honestly any BDSM relationship! I know you’re here to hear the secrets, those whispers on the walls bouncing around and I am very excited to share my input with you guys!
Warning: As usual, I have a disclaimer. The words you’re about to read are based off of my experiences and knowledge from research. I understand what I suggest may not work for everyone, but that it may. Please, if you’re going to comment, discuss, don’t argue! Share your experiences and wisdom, but don’t put down others for different or lacking thoughts.
If you guys can think back to my post about vetting, you’ll remember that we talked about the importance of going over your limits. Your limits are one of the keys to making your power-exchange based relationship work. In fact, limits don’t even have to be about sexual limits, but with many different things! Someone could have a limit about certain jokes and what isn’t okay because they’ve endured trauma, or maybe they don’t like being scared for some reason – and I mean seriously? Who likes being scared? Not me. Hate it.
Limits draw a lime for a boundary and we all have them. Punishments are a very big reason why limits are absolutely necessary, especially in this lifestyle. Respecting someone’s rules for their bodies, space and headspace are so important when trying to create and strengthen a bond such as this.
Discussing your limits is the first step towards creating effective punishments that do not cross the boundaries of either person, but especially the person being punished.
You never should dole out or accept a punishment that you have not consented to as a viable punishment.
Starting off discussing your limits is going to open the door for you and your partner to not only connect on a deeper level but maybe even open your eyes to things you might be extra curious about that you might not have considered before. Using these limits, you have an idea of things you might be into trying as sexualized punishments and even with non-sexual punishments, you can still use aspects such as pain, for them as well.
While there are sexual punishments, I believe that something important to incorporate in your punishments should be non-sexual.
Non-sexual punishments are a core to developing a strong set of punishments – in my opinion. Not only do they begin the first steps to learning punishment styles, how to craft your rules to not only exist but to be stronger and more specific to those punishments, it allows you to communicate.
Say that a submissive is wanting to try a punishment of soap in the mouth or hot sauce on the tongue for using negative language. I know a lot of dom’s that do punishments for their submissive talking down about themselves. Say that the punishment is being enforced and the submissive finds that it truly is a punishment that they can’t handle for some reason. It allows you to open a door to communication.
At this point, I should probably provide you the most important, and biggest secret about punishments: communication. It all boils down to communication. Every aspect of this lifestyle boils down to communication. You can’t create rules that have the consequences of punishment, without communication. Healthy communication is so vastly important that I literally couldn’t press it more. I think it is the one piece of advice that I give to every single person and in every single article.
I want to press upon each and every person, that administering and accepting a punishment is very serious.
I know I wrote it earlier, that you shouldn’t accept or dole out punishment without consent and I want to push it even harder.
I have seen so many people on forums writing in about how their Daddy did a punishment they weren’t okay with, asking if said punishment and behavior was normal. And on the other side of the coin, a Daddy asking if his overly bratty little who isn’t just being bratty, but being plain out disrespectful, is okay.
These above situations can be solved with just two simple steps. Educating yourself on BDSM and communicating with your partner. Doing both can save you a lot of time and heartache, especially if you wind up in a situation where the person you’re into isn’t exactly the right person for you. Hence, where vetting comes in hand in the first place, and how communication weaves its way inside of the lifestyle even from the start!
So basically, to wrap it up, there are just a few things to keep in mind. Communicate, communicate, communicate! Knowing each other’s limits is so vastly important to creating rules and punishments that work for your relationship and well being! And other than that? Remember that everyone is different! No two people are alike, which means that what works for one person, totally might not work out for another! Use the tools that you’re given to express the best for you and yours, and things will work out just right.
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