How I got into BDSM

by Kitten
HOW I GOT INTO BDSM

Well hello there! I know what you’re thinking just by reading, “How I Got Into BDSM”. You’re thinking, ‘Gosh, Kitten, could you have written this post any later?’ The answer my dear friend is yes. Probably. I am a huge procrastinator. Seriously. You know that phrase, “Procrastinators unite…tomorrow?” Yeah, no, I’m more like next week, or even next month. Whenever in the future. Sometime. Whenever it’s best for you.

Regardless, I think we all know why we’re here. It is the moment some of you have been waiting for and that is to read about how I got into this crazy amazing world of BDSM in the first place. I’m also going to follow this post up with another in the future, about my own personal lifestyle and what DDLG means to me.

C’est la vie? C’est la vie.

Warning: This post is about my lifestyle. My life is my own, and I understand that how I run my life may not be the way you run yours. Your Daddies, Masters, Owners, etc. may treat you differently, let things I do fly or not. Please understand that your dynamic is not “the way” for everyone. If you disagree? Awesome! Let’s talk and conversate, but do not attack. Thank you!

Where my submission began…

I think that I always knew that I was different when it came to relationships. I didn’t choose aggressive guys, but ones with a certain amount of cockiness and confidence. There was just something about being around someone who to me, radiated this aura of power(?) that really just got me. While I knew about sex – having lost my virginity at 14 years old – and having access to porn on the internet, it is honestly still a shocker to me that I didn’t learn about BDSM then. I knew nothing about the dynamic other than a few glimpses of the word and overly terrifying images of hardcore BDSM that just never will be for me.

I think those images scared me off to being curious about BDSM.

That being said, the personality of my type of submissive was something I always had. I’ve always been outgoing and loud, colorful and vibrant in my way of basically breathing, yet there was just something about when I was alone with my boyfriend. Sometimes, sitting beside him didn’t feel right and I’d opt to sit at his feet, head against his knee while he played with my hair. Or, taking his direction during times of intimacy. I took a lot of personal happiness in doing things for him like chores, cooking, and the admiration and praise I’d receive was beyond fulfilling. Almost like a high.

When I was sixteen years old there was an event with a boyfriend of mine where I ended up with a knife against my throat. The situation was so bizarre at the time and it was almost like an out of body experience for me. Like I was watching myself with him, how we clashed and united. It was exhilarating. Wrong, but exhilarating. I realized right then and there I was heading down a really strange and unsure path, and for a long time, I stopped that.

I think this is where the passion I have for minors not belonging in kink stems from. I could have gotten so absolutely hurt. If I wasn’t with someone who had experience handling weaponry, I could have absolutely died. And even with experience, it just takes a subtle slip.

But our dynamic changed and just something really awoke inside of me during the time that I was with him. Something foreign and scary to me because I couldn’t place it. I didn’t know what was going on.

Acknowledging I am a submissive

Being in college brought me a world of so many different people and experiences. It was something out of a reality tv show honestly. From crazy chicks who wanted to fight me, cheating boyfriends, heartbreaks, laughter, and fantastic memories it was a whirlwind of a time. My natural submissive nature did bring in boyfriends who opened that door further. While there wasn’t genuine talk about collars, rules, and rituals, those things were still in place. I had necklaces, bracelets a ring at one point that signified my tie to those people. While we didn’t have rules laid out and talked about, they existed unspoken. I was diving into a world of “kinky sex” with choking, spanking, verbal degradation and slowly incorporating restraints.

It was happening really fast. In the span of a year, I went from timid and shy about who I was, to being educated about the world of BDSM. I was realizing that a vanilla life for me, wasn’t really what I was going for anymore and over time my relationships began to grow unsatisfying. I was embarrassed. The things I was getting into weren’t seen as “normal”. Still, to this day, BDSM is seen as abusive, and I wanted to be “abused”. I remember confiding into a girlfriend of mine who was into BDSM and saying that and she just…got it.

The awakening with S&W.

Around the time that I was 19, I had made a friend named S. She to this day is my saving grace in the world of BDSM. It is because of her and her play partner W at the time that I was able to accept and embrace who I was becoming. I remember watching – and participating – in a scene of theirs. She was on all fours, he was spanking her. Inflicting pain. Showing me the darker, heavier sides of BDSM. The parts I was still afraid of. The parts that society had burned into my mind as wrong. I was able to watch her cry tears of pain that weren’t negative, but tears of begging for more.

She wanted to be hurt. She wanted the pain. Needed it. 

Together, the two of them opened the floodgates. From that moment on, it was just reading and reading, and reading some more. I was pouring through images, forums, anything I could get my fingers onto I was educating with.

Over time, S had other Doms, and I got peaks of their dynamics here and there and I genuinely don’t know what I would have become if it wasn’t for her. Being able to have someone I talked to, asked questions to, and got good answers from changed everything for me.

The First Collaring

Man. My first brush with a real Dominant. It is so cringing to think back on these times that as I wrote “The First Collaring” I had to wipe my hand over my face and squirm a bit to shake it out.  I even took like a twenty-minute break just from writing this. Gosh. This is just embarrassing.

I dated a guy we’ll call him… K. K was a little younger than me, by like a year? Two? I was 20. We had both ventured slowly into a dynamic together which was a lot easier than I thought it would be when just meeting someone. The guy I was dating before him was really childish and I just didn’t feel like he could provide the aggressive touch I needed in the bedroom. He was so gentle and soft and sweet, but it just wasn’t working out for me.

Meeting K was fantastic. He hit all the right notes with that attitude and prowess he carried and on top of that, he wasn’t afraid to get rough with me. To tell me those horrible things I wanted to hear so badly. To have his hand crack against my cheek, ass or thighs. Anything I wanted to feel he made me feel. The sex was incredible. We talked at length about the dynamic, and really established things together.

He was the first boyfriend I ever called, Daddy.

Even up to that point I didn’t have a name for my little side. I always have been able to ‘shrink down’ and be cutesy and little, and DDLG wasn’t even on my radar. I had stuffies and toys, cute aesthetic stuff that I just really aligned with. I had cups that weren’t sippies, but I treated as such. I was diving into my little space without even really realizing it. He’d baby me, talk cute to me and make me feel so small and adorable and it was just natural for me. Being a little was second nature, and for the first time, I felt that who I was hiding and keeping to myself in my alone time, was okay.

He purchased a collar for me. A silver locking collar that was made of thickish chain links about half an inch in size each. I remember how much I loved it. I would wear it all the time, never taking it off and I had his class ring on it. I had come to surprise him at his classes, his teacher not minding at all that I was there and I was just reading when all of a sudden there was a box in front of me. It was black, square with a silver bow and when I looked at him, he just smiled.

The class ended shortly after and we waited for everyone to leave before I opened the box and there it was. My first collar! I was breathless and he put it on me. For the first time in years, I felt whole. All of the cracks and fractures inside of my soul were patched up and made all better because I belonged. I belonged somewhere, with someone and it just was incredible.

Sadly that relationship didn’t last. Irresponsibility, a monster in law, and my life changing made things just unable to be worked out.

Never again would I be Vanilla.

I think that with every person who gets into BDSM once we find where we belong, its either impossible or very hard to go back to a vanilla way of life. Down the road I ended up dating someone we’ll call A. A was nice, pretty great in bed, but he just didn’t get the dynamic. It was as if it was this horribly foreign concept to him that no matter what I did, or tried to explain he just couldn’t fit that mold for me.

I tried to give it up.
I tried to give him as much of me as I could.
I tried to keep up rituals on my own.
To give myself orders, rules, and structure.

It just didn’t work.

He wasn’t willing to learn. Wasn’t willing to work with me. To make me feel like I was appreciated and wanted. There was nothing there and things started to go downhill very fast. To the point where I left and moved seventeen-thousand miles away. I vowed then that I would never give up who I was to be vanilla again. It left me depressed, unsatisfied and I felt like I had lost myself along the way. I left clouded in my mind, grasping for anything to help me find myself again.

A Few Years Later…

I’d go on and on and on about years of my life between then and now, but that’s just so much and I have basically babbled on for what feels like eons. I went through a few Doms in the last few years. Some that shattered my soul entirely, till I was literally infinity gauntlet dust (at least it felt that way at the time) and some that built me up and showed me what this world is really about.

I spent a lot of time learning. Reading. Watching. Listening.

Education is so absolutely important, and learning things from protocol to safety, ritual etc. Sampling from different dynamics and finding things that I enjoyed so much, allowed me to grow.

I love postures and hand gestures. Part of learning was reading a little bit on the Gorean lifestyle and falling in love with hand motions and positions. Now, I am not a slave. I could never be a slave. I am much too bratty and defiant, and to follow someone’s every word? I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Just thinking about it makes my inner brat want to color on the walls, throw stuff on the ground and screech! But there’s just something so beautiful about it at the same time.

I came across blog posts about posture and hand signals, people made little meme type imagery for it and I sampled from it. Using the ones I would like to have and learning them. They soon became a staple in my relationships. They were something that I taught myself to respond to and therefore taught my Dominants.

It helped us, especially in moments where my subspace was so deep I couldn’t respond, or, when He didn’t want me to talk. The positions became ritual for when He would come home or when a scene was planned.

When it came to collars, I learned very quickly that I am not a 24/7 collar type of person. I prefer locking bracelets if I can.

My limits grew expanded and I went from not liking much pain at all, and just a little bit of roughness, to being slapped, degraded, choked and spanked! I love being punished, given rules and rituals and I discovered pet-play and Daddy Dom/Little Girl. Being a brat was something that just like my submissive nature and little side, was second nature. Being a kitty was also something that really registered with me quite a bit.

All in all, the journey I have had so far into the world of BDSM has been exhilarating. There’s just so much about it that I can’t quite put my finger on and describe, but you guys know what I mean. It is fulfilling, amazing, and just… it’s who I am!

Question of the Day: What was the most changing event in your BDSM lifestyle?

Thanks so much for reading our article on How I Got Into BDSM! I really appreciate the time you took to do so and would love for you to follow us me on social media to keep up to date! Also, don’t forget to subscribe to the blog! 😀

Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | Pinterest | Snapchat

You may also like

Leave a Comment

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More